Hollywood presents to you ... Jack Taylor

November, 21, 2012
11/21/12
10:39
AM ET

Grinnell College's Jack Taylor set an NCAA scoring record on Tuesday night by putting up 138 points in a 179-104 win over Faith Baptist Bible. It's the kind of thing that inspires a movie. Since Hollywood shockingly has yet to tarnish "Hoosiers" with a remake or sequel, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and sketch out a rough screenplay combining the classic basketball movie and Grinnell.

Note: Hollywood producers should contact my agent with offers.

"Hoosiers 2: Norman Dale Coaches Grinnell"

Background: Grinnell’s head coach moves on to take a big-time Division II job, so the school brings in a coach who has had success coaching small schools in the Midwest before, Norman Dale.

Scene 1

First practice.

Dale: “I've seen you guys can shoot but there's more to the game than shooting. There's fundamentals and defense.”

[Everyone quits.]

Scene 2

The town of Grinnell has a meeting to determine whether to keep Coach Dale. As the votes are being tallied, Jack Taylor arrives.

Taylor: “I got something to say.”

Mayor: “All right, say what you’ve gotta say.”

Taylor: “I don’t know if it’ll make any change, but I figured it’s time for me to start playing defense.”

The townsfolk begin murmuring.

Taylor: “But there’s just one thing: I play, Coach stays. He goes, I go.”

Crowd: “Coach stays!”

Scene 3

Second practice.

Player: “When do we scrimmage?”

Dale: “We don’t scrimmage. And no shooting, either.”

Player: “That ain’t no fun.”

Dale: “My practices are not designed for your enjoyment.”

Everyone quits again.

Scene 4

The first game. Four players show up because their parents make them.

Referee: “You need one more, coach.”

Dale: “My team is on the floor.”

Grinnell loses 97-14.

Dale addresses the crowd at the conclusion of the game.

Dale: “I would hope you support who we are, not who we are not. These four individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to represent you, this school. That kind of commitment and effort deserves and demands your respect. This is your team.”

He is pelted with cow chips hurled by the crowd.

Scene 5

After another fundamentally sound, yet crushing defeat playing with only four players, Grinnell fires Dale and rehires their old coach, who had been fired at his new job when it was discovered that his system doesn’t work at a higher level.

Dale leaves town with his new librarian girlfriend and takes a job as a college basketball analyst for ESPN.

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