Reese's Piece: NBA playoffs

May, 9, 2013
5/09/13
3:00
PM ET
Heat/BullsAP Photo/Lynne SladkyLooking for a new team to root for in the playoffs?
As a Wizards fan, I hardly ever have a dog in the NBA playoff race. So, if your team was eliminated in the first round or if they just stink, do what I do this time of year -- choose a new one. Picking a new team to back can be like deciding whom to talk to in a bar on a Saturday night. Except in this case, you will not be rejected.

The Favorite (Miami Heat)
She is the reigning social champion, however The Favorite’s unmatched talent and arrogance leave her equally loved and hated. In fact, most of her followers are simply biding their time until they find another bandwagon to jump aboard.

The Drunk (New York Knicks)
At her best, The Drunk’s charisma and wit are both irresistible and deadly -- but a lack of discretion always leaves her vulnerable to overshooting the mark. You can never tell if The Drunk will bring down the house or just wake up barefoot in a stranger’s garden.

The Flirt (Memphis Grizzlies)
Tall, smart, beautiful and funny -- she’s all you could ever want in a partner. It seems all too easy … until you reciprocate her interest. The Flirt will inevitably let you down, because she revels in the evening’s potential but really is just averse to exploring the possibilities.

The Cougar (San Antonio Spurs)
She’s been there, done that and is always ready to do it again with deadly accuracy and execution. The Cougar’s only vulnerabilities are speed and a receding hairline, both of which are in play.

The Airhead (OKC Thunder)
The Airhead has one thing going for her, and it is otherworldly, but even her beauty fades with each passing nonsensical word. In fact, after one conversation with The Airhead, you end up feeling sorry for such a dysfunctional brain.

Playbook Reese's Piece
ESPN.com Illustration
The Broken Heart (Chicago Bulls)
Despite not being fully healed, The Broken Heart’s immense pride wouldn’t allow her to spend another night alone thinking about him. Still, every conversation inevitably leads back to him -- hoping that he’ll return with a rose in tow to save the day.

The Coed (Golden State Warriors)
Does this fresh-faced competitor have enough life experience to keep your interest? Or will The Coed resort to paraphrasing her Philosophy 101 course? So many questions, so few answers, but what you do know is that she brought quite a crowd and being around her makes you feel young again.

The Badass (Indiana Pacers)
She’s synonymous with one word -- Malice.

All teams are not created equal, but surely you will find one that suits your tastes. And if all else fails, you can always chat with the prospects at the Stanley Cup race down the street.

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