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Friday, March 22, 2013
There's lots of comedy in this romance

By D'Arcy Maine

In case you were busy filling out brackets or wondering just what went wrong in the Katy Perry-John Mayer relationship, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder you missed from the sports world and beyond.

"It's like a lion and a tiger mixed & bred for its skills in magic."

On Monday, Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods revealed the world's worst-kept secret and announced separately, via their Facebook pages, that they were dating. The two even included their own professional photos (featuring one that looks to be straight from the JCPenney portrait studio) in an effort to pre-empt the paparazzi and devalue the first photos of the couple. Awwww, romance!

However, all is not perfect for "Liger" (yup, that's seriously the deemed nickname for the duo). Devon "XXX" James (a.k.a. Tiger's mistress No. 16) told TMZ that she feels certain Vonn isn't Tiger's only lady friend and that she should watch out, noting that Vonn is "more muscular and has a bigger head" than he does. OK then.

Excerpts from a 2010 magazine interview also were revealed this week in which Vonn made fun of Tiger's apologetic news conference about his extramarital affairs and even suggested a (not very funny) "SNL" sketch based on it. The girl has got jokes! Guessing Tiger thinks they're as funny as I (and clearly the writers at "SNL") do.

Good luck, Linds. You're going to need it.

Taking his talents to & Cleveland City Jail

While there are a lot of Cavaliers fans who hate LeBron James, we now know that there's at least one who still wants him to return when his contract with Miami expires. And perhaps there are more who feel the same. But as far as we know, there's only one who is willing to get arrested for it.

During the fourth quarter of Wednesday night's Heat-Cavaliers game in Cleveland, play was temporarily stopped as a fan wearing a shirt that said "We Miss You" on the front and "2014 Come Back" on the back ran onto the court. It didn't take long for security to catch the man later identified as James Blair. The self-professed "biggest LeBron James fan ever" had actually been tweeting about his plan to crash the game all night, gaining the support of followers and even getting the attention of security. Blair tweeted a picture of several security guards at the end of his row, claiming they were there as a result of his previous tweets. And yet somehow they still weren't able to prevent him from getting onto the court. I'm guessing that lapse will result in a strongly worded, Comic Sans-fonted letter from Cavs owner Dan Gilbert to the arena staff.

Interestingly, Blair is featured on LeBron's website as a member of #TEAMLEBRON, and this wasn't the first time he managed to get close to his hero. After the Heat's incredible comeback victory, LeBron told reporters that he had a similar incident at Madison Square Garden. As a result, LBJ claimed he wasn't scared and even patted Blair on the head before security carted him away. This feels a little bit too much like a Lifetime movie about an obsessed stalker, but I'm glad the King is cool with it. I just hope Fred Savage is available to play Blair in the upcoming TV movie.

Finally, a politician we can all support!

Just in case you are one of the five people left who haven't seen this video, you really need to watch the Kid President make his NCAA tournament picks with our very own Robert Flores. Spoiler alert: He picks Gonzago to win it all. That's not a typo.

In case you weren't already envious of Bryce Harper &

What's every 20-year-old guy's dream? That's a clown question, bro. It's obviously getting a card from Chipotle that grants free burritos FOR LIFE.

And while a card yielding such a delicious treat at any moment, free of cost, may seem like a fairy tale, this card does exist. At least for Bryce Harper. You know, a guy who makes millions of dollars every year. But I'm sure he'll really appreciate saving $4 every now and then.

After tweeting about his love for the restaurant chain, it responded just hours later with the card. He posted a photo of it shortly thereafter.

But really, Chipotle? You couldn't find any other 20-something out there who might be more deserving of this card? Maybe one who is trying to ration a box of Kraft mac and cheese for three days because he's broke and in college? Or maybe just someone who writes a weekly roundup of sports and pop culture? Because I think I might know of someone who would be perfect for your next card.

No good deed goes un-trolled

Robert Morris stunned Kentucky on Tuesday night in the first round of the NIT. And hilarity ensued.

Minutes after ecstatic RMU fans stormed the court (this is a judgment-free zone & storm away, kids), the Internet trolls stormed the team's Wikipedia page.

The first troll deleted the entire page and simply wrote, "AMERRRICCCA GO RMU&. LOL KENTUCKY." Another then changed the coach's name to something not-so-family-friendly in the top sidebar area. After the page was restored, yet another hacker switched the final score of the game to, "59-57 hahahahahahahahahahaha." This was of course instantly switched to "W 59-57 Best win for Robert Morris since he signed the Declaration of Independence." On the plus side, at least that last hacker did her homework.

While I appreciate good Internet humor like the next nerd, I hope these hacks didn't come from RMU students. Not because it reflects badly on the school or its academics, but because any self-respecting college student should be out celebrating after one of the biggest nights in the school's athletic history.

As for Kentucky, I'm guessing that for once, John Calipari will be relieved when a postseason game later gets retracted from the record books.

Actual March Madness

After three straight losses in the Connecticut Class LL girls basketball title game, Mercy High looked to be on its way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of high school hoops. Down by two to Lauralton Hall High with just 3.8 seconds to go, the game seemed all but over. Then things got crazy. Mercy's Sheena Landry threw a three-quarter-court pass directly into the hands of teammate Cassandra Santoro. Instantly mobbed by the Lauralton defenders, she tossed the ball over to Maria Weselyj. The senior, who had been a part of all of the team's crushing title game appearances, immediately shot the ball from behind the arc right before the buzzer sounded. AND IT WENT IN!!! Somewhere out there, probably depressed over his team's loss Thursday to Michigan State, Bryce Drew has to be proud.