Best of our Golden Globes-NFL awards
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the older you get, the more likely you are to choose Lazy Sunday over Sunday Funday. Every once in a while, you'll get your butt out to the stadium for a tailgate or hit the bar to watch the game, but usually you're too tired from a long week and already dreading that Monday morning alarm clock. Once you hit your 30s, Sunday becomes, by necessity, a literal day of rest.
As a 30-something who is somewhat of a Lazy Sunday connoisseur, I'd rate Golden Globes Sunday as one of the best of the year. In the afternoon I get to satiate my sporty side with two NFL divisional playoff games, and in the evening I get to go girlie with red carpet coverage and the funniest, booziest awards show in the biz.
The day has everything: Drama! Catfights! Questionable style! And that was just this year's football games. Throw in some fashion fails, gorgeous gowns and surprising upsets and you got 10 hours of reality TV at its best.
So in honor of one of my favorite days of the year, I present the Second Annual Golden Globes/Divisional Playoff Day Awards (GGDPDAs) ...
Best Male in a Starring Role
Bryan Cranston: The Best Actor in a TV Drama award went to television's resident badass Bryan Cranston, aka. Walter White from "Breaking Bad." After three years of being nominated but going home empty-handed, Cranston snagged the Globe this year, a fitting way to celebrate the show's September finale. "Such a lovely way to say goodbye to the show that meant so much to me," Cranston said of the honor.
Colin Kaepernick: The 49ers quarterback was 15 of 28 for 196 yards, throwing one touchdown and running in another to lead his team to the NFC Championship Game. After the win he crashed teammate Anquan Boldin's press conference, grabbing reporter Cam Inman's notebook to jot down the following notes: "Good shoes. Big earrings. Fight!"
Most Legendary Lines
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey: For a second straight year Poehler and Fey crushed the hosting duties, poking fun at stars, but never crossing the line. Here are a few of their best bits… On "Gravity": "A story about how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." On Matthew McConaughey in "Dallas Buyers Club": "[He] lost 45 pounds -- or what actresses call being in a movie." And, introducing noted modelizer Leonardo DiCaprio: "Like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio."
(Sidenote: I think a supermodel's vagina was the inspiration for Paula Patton's gown.)
0-99: Talk about a stat line that says it all. 0-99 is the record posted by teams that trailed by 17 points or more in the fourth quarter this season. The Chargers became No. 99 after their fourth-quarter comeback came up short in Denver.
Lupita Nyong'o: The "12 Years A Slave" actress dazzled in a red Ralph Lauren cape dress, stealing best dressed from more established fashionistas like Cate Blanchett (who also looked fab). Olivia Wilde also deserves props for showing off her baby bump in a sexy, sparkly emerald gown. Kate Beckinsale, Margot Robbie, Amy Adams and Julianna Margulies all looked fantastic, as well, and Poehler shined on the carpet in a form-fitting black Stella McCartney number.
Wes Welker: The Broncos wideout, who suffered multiple concussions this seasons, wore a specially designed, extra-large helmet that gave him extra protection against head injury. He may have looked a bit like a pee-wee football player or Rick Moranis in "Space Balls" but (as a Christian Louboutin heels-holding Emma Thompson would tell you), sometimes being comfortable -- or in Welker's case, safe -- is more important than looking good.
Zoe Saldana: Paula Patton's vagina/crumpled up napkin/popped popcorn look was awful, but even that dress couldn't compete with the hot mess worn by Saldana. Her dress was more confusing than Jacqueline Bisset's rambling, nonsensical acceptance speech and looked messier than the hair on Best Score winner Alex Ebert.
(Ebert, by the way, won the night for reminding Diddy they'd partied together on a boat in St. Barts and for this line, about his award-winning score: "Even the most deft pen is a clumsy tool and yet we still tried for magic. Thanks for letting me try all over your movie.")
(Honorable mention to McConaughey, who was named Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama, for the tragic and intense "Dallas Buyers Club." He started his odd, tone-deaf acceptance speech by quoting himself in a previous movie. "Alright, alright, alright." Not alright.)
Jim Harbaugh: I love me a passionate coach. After dealing with the dry-as-melba-toast Lovie Smith for nine years here in Chicago, I appreciate a guy who gets fired up about the game. That being said, the Niners coach let his emotions get the better of him too often on Sunday. He was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct late in the first half and continued his bad behavior in the second, yelling, spinning in circles in anger and spending far too much time on the playing field, instead of the sidelines.
Best Poise Under Pressure
Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie: The "Wolf of Wall Street" costars survived a teleprompter malfunction, using honesty to cut the tension of two stars staring blankly into the camera. "I'm not gonna lie to you," said Hill after a long pause at the mic. "Right now, they put up the wrong stuff on the teleprompter. This is for Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton." Robbie added that they were probably playing a joke on her as a newbie presenter. They fared far better than Salma Hayek and Paul Rudd, who couldn't think of a single clever thing to say last year when they faced a similar teleprompter fail.
Peyton Manning: Manning's stat line -- 230 yards, two TDs, one INT -- may not be as impressive as most of his regular-season games this year, but he was good when it mattered most. With his team leading the Chargers 24-17 with time running down, Manning sealed the win by converting three straight third-down plays, including a third-and-17 from the Broncos' 20-yard line.
Best Post-Win Quote
Jennifer Lawrence: It's not a real awards show if JLaw isn't winning statues and stealing our hearts, so of course she did both. Honored as Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, Lawrence was endearingly honest and believably nervous. After saying her "thank yous" and apologizing for her shaky hands, she joked that the Hollywood Foreign Press should stop giving her awards because the speeches are so stressful. "Don't ever do this again," she said. "It's so scary."
(Honorable mention to "Breaking Bad" star Aaron Paul, who jumped in to close out the acceptance speech for their Best TV Drama win, adding "Yeah bitch! Thank you.")
Peyton Manning: When asked whether his surgically repaired neck and its effect on his future were weighing on his mind at all, Manning replied "... what's weighing on my mind is how soon I can get a Bud Light in my mouth after this win."
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey vs. Taylor Swift: After Poehler and Fey made a crack about her at last year's Golden Globes, Swift told Katie Couric "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." Clearly the Globes hosts hadn't forgotten Swift's sorry sense of humor, as Fey joked to Poehler of her Best Actress in a TV Comedy win, "There's a special place in hell for you." I've got nothing against Swift -- I even like a few of her songs -- but imagining her stewing in her seat for the rest of the show was simply delicious.
49ers vs. Panthers: The early game between San Francisco and Carolina offered up more catfights and clashes than the red carpet out in Hollywood. There was trash-talking, taunting and even headbutting, as two very chippy teams tried to out-obnoxious each other. In the end the Niners were better able to keep their focus, helping them to a win.
Robin Wright: The winner for Best Actress in a TV Drama jogged up to accept her award, presumably hoping to keep the three-hour broadcast moving. It was a commendable effort, but it came at a price: Her sexy, backless, halter dress slipped out of place en route to the stage, revealing nipple pasties and double-sided tape. Side boob is all the rage until you suffer a mid-show wardrobe malfunction.
Nick Novak: The Chargers kicker came up short on a second quarter field-goal attempt when his plant leg slipped on a painted hash mark. The miss kept San Diego from capitalizing on a Broncos turnover.
Amy Adams: In an emotional speech that included shoutouts to her husband and 3-year-old daughter, the Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, gave a nod of thanks to her manager of 15 years, Stacy O'Neil. "I still ask her, 'What made you pick me?'" said Adams. "And she said she had a feeling. And I just want to thank her so much for that feeling and so many more feelings." It's always nice to hear star's memories of just starting out. It lets dreamers everywhere keep dreaming.
Colin Kaepernick: After scoring a 4-yard touchdown to put his 49ers up 20-10 in the third quarter, Kaepernick mimicked opposing quarterback Cam Newtown's signature Superman celebration. He first pretended to pull apart his jersey a la Clark Kent undressing to reveal the "S" on his chest, then mimed buttoning his shirt back up before doing his own "kissing his biceps" move. Said Newton of the nasty nod, "[it's] not something I'll forget."