Color these two guys moronic
In case you were too busy stocking up on barbecue supplies for the weekend, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder you missed this week from the sports world and beyond.
How to continue digging yourself into a hole: European golf edition
Sergio Garcia made international headlines this week with a "fried chicken" joke about Tiger Woods. To clarify, it is 2013, and somehow there are people who still think this joke is funny. That's despite the fact that when Fuzzy Zoeller said virtually the exact same thing about Woods in 1997, he lost endorsements and fans, and the incident is still the first thing associated with his name on Google 16 years later. But Garcia, a longtime Woods rival, still inexplicably used the line at an event on Tuesday night. So not only could he be perceived as racist, he could also just as easily be called unoriginal. Yikes.
Garcia apologized at a televised news conference on Wednesday afternoon, calling his remarks "stupid" and "out of place." He stopped short of acknowledging that the remarks were prejudiced, but said he was sorry if he offended anyone. Ahh, the classic "Sorry you feel that way" half-apology.
And in "how not to help Sergio Garcia's case" news, European Tour chief George O'Grady went on Sky Sports on Thursday to discuss the incident. O'Grady explained that Garcia was not a racist because "most of Sergio's friends are colored athletes in the United States." Oh. If calling Sergio's friends "colored" won't quell the "racist" title, I don't know what will! NOT.
Once again, it's 2013. I know this because I just had to check to make sure. If you need me, I'll be sitting at my desk shaking my head for the next day or so.
Probably better than your graduation gift
Tulsa Shock guard Skylar Diggins graduated from Notre Dame on Sunday. As a reward for her accomplishment, her sports agency, Jay-Z's Roc Nation Sports, had a Mercedes-Benz waiting for her in the parking lot after she walked off the stage.
Diggins immediately tweeted about the lavish gift, undoubtedly sparking envy among her peers who chose to sign with any other representation.
I got 99 problems, but a BENZ ain't one.— Skylar Diggins (@SkyDigg4) May 19, 2013
Just like the present I'm sure you received upon getting your diploma. If you're a future professional athlete, trust-fund baby or child of a recent lottery winner, that is. I'm guessing the rest of you enjoyed gifts similar to mine: a sandwich, a handshake and a lovely letter from a woman named Sallie Mae.
Tim Tebow doesn't sleep. He waits.
After months of eager anticipation by no one, Chuck Norris has finally publicly released his feelings on Tim Tebow. As it turns out, he likes him. Scratch that. He REALLY likes him. So much so, he penned a nearly 1,500-word essay on the topic entitled "The Ultimate Clutch Player."
What makes Tebow so great in Norris' eyes? Well, for starters, he reminds Norris of… himself. They both rise to the occasion when it counts! They deliver big when the spotlight is on them! The bogeyman checks for them in his closet before he goes to sleep! Norris might not have said that last part.
"Walker, Texas Ranger" continued his manifesto by asking the Jaguars to take a chance on Tebow. He even encouraged the team to do so by quoting Martin Luther King Jr., whom I'm sure hoped one day his words would be used to get a job for a mediocre, unwanted football player.
I have no idea what to make of this bizarre ode to the free-agent QB, but I just hope it results in Chuck-Norris-facts-themed Tim Tebow memes. Because after all, Tim Tebow doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone. I'll stop here.
Deshaun Thomas' phone will not be ringing off the hook with interested teams
Former Ohio State forward Deshaun Thomas might be harder to reach than the average potential NBA draftee. Thomas, tabbed as a second-rounder in most mock drafts, met with the Spurs on Wednesday and reportedly refused to give the team his phone number. Thomas told Ohio.com that he "can't go around giving it out to everyone."
While I understand not wanting to give your phone number to a lot of people, I'm not entirely sure why Thomas wouldn't want to give it to a potential employer who could ultimately pay him MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. And I'm fairly sure that giving some means of communication is a pretty standard part of the hiring practice these days. But if you need to reach Thomas before the draft, hit him up on Instagram or by carrier pigeon.
So he's not a spelling bee champion
Despite sparking multiple social media LOLs about his potentially having the word "mature" misspelled in permanent ink on his body, Kevin Durant really should be in the news this week for his $1 million contribution to the tornado relief fund in Oklahoma. After the devastating twister ravaged Moore, an Oklahoma City suburb, Durant pledged his donation the very next day. Since then he's visited with families affected by the tragedy and with emergency workers.Mautre or not, the world would be a better place if we had more people like Kevin Durant.
The NCAA probably will punish them for having too much fun
The Cincinnati Bearcats baseball team clearly has more fun than you do. So please enjoy this compilation of its postgame interview antics from throughout the season to get ready for your Memorial Day weekend festivities.