A week of fashion disasters
In case you were too busy kicking yourself for letting an 84-year-old cut in front of you in the Powerball line, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder that you missed from the sports world and beyond.
Nothing says high fashion like a drug test
I can only imagine there have been many, um, interesting things to happen in bathrooms at fashion events. But even Kate Moss probably has never had a random drug test forced upon her before one of the industry's biggest nights. Buzz favorite Lindsey Vonn was just minding her own business, posing on the red carpet at the Council of Fashion Designers of America awards in her custom-made Cynthia Rowley gown, when she was whisked away to pee in a cup. Fashion!
For reasons unknown, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency decided this was the best place to test the skier. While I'm sure this is not the first time "bathroom" and "drugs" have been used in the same sentence at this event, Vonn being tested for the performance-enhancing variety did raise eyebrows among many in attendance. The affable Vonn, however, was compliant, and her spokesperson later released a statement saying that she understood it was just part of the job.
Have to wonder whether the drug testers really just wanted to score an invite to the exclusive awards show. That might be the best legal way to crash a party of all time. I just hope they were careful with their Oscar de la Renta ensembles as they stood in the bathroom waiting for Vonn to finishing peeing.
Not a bad consolation prize
Back in my day, we went to prom with, you know, a fellow classmate. In 2013, high school kids try to go with celebrities. In retrospect, a professional athlete is probably slightly cooler than the kid with braces from calculus. Damn you, social media, for not being around a decade earlier!
Last month, high school senior Stephanie Flores asked Rockets forward Chandler Parsons over Twitter to escort her to prom. Parsons, perhaps because he has more exciting things to do than to hang out with dressed-up teenagers, politely declined the invitation. However, to make up for his absence, he sent Flores a party bus to take her and her friends to their big night.
The moral of the story? Ask an athlete who you know has no interest in going, and rake in gifts and consolation prizes when they say no. Thank you, Stephanie Flores, for showing us the way.
Stop talking and do some walking!
The prancercising craze is sweeping the nation! If you're not familiar with the latest Internet trend/punch line, please allow Alex Morgan, Sydney Leroux and other members of the U.S. women's soccer team to show you the way.
This is getting unBeliebable
You know a game is anticlimactic when the most interesting story lines happen off the court. Monday's much-hyped Game 7 between the Pacers and the Heat quickly turned into a dud as Miami took control early and dominated the rest of the way. So, naturally, the game's talking points turned to what was happening on the sidelines.
Even the most intriguing ejection wasn't a player. Pacers forward Jeff Pendergraph and Heat guard Norris Cole were thrown out after a brief shoving match and some angry words late in the fourth quarter. Also ejected at this time? The manager of rapper Flo Rida, who was seated courtside. Apparently a Heat fan (likely because he's from Flo Rida), the manager reportedly said some fighting words to Pendergraph and the Pacers' bench and was subsequently given the boot by the officials. Poor 'Rida had to sit alone in his courtside seat to watch the end of the game. Hopefully the fact that he was, you know, seated courtside made up for it.
Just a few seats down from Flo and the empty seat next to him was Justin Bieber (sincere apologies for his second straight appearance in this column). The singer, who told ESPN he was a lifelong Lakers fan all the way back in November, came in his best leather shirt and pants, gold chains and tie-dyed Heat hat. He was also wearing sunglasses. Indoors. Must have been to protect his eyes from the glare of the Heat's white uniforms. Or just because he's a 19-year-old with millions and millions of dollars. Money apparently can't buy you fashion sense or friends who are willing to say "no" to you.
On the plus side, the Bieb's ensemble re-energized interest about the game on Twitter as one-liners and comments about the look quickly dominated everyone's feeds. Can't wait for the inevitable jokes about his Spurs-themed outfit when they take control of the NBA Finals.
Impatiently awaiting Pete Carroll's appearance on 'Judge Joe Brown'
Jim Harbaugh, you just lost the Super Bowl, what are you going to do? I'm going to ... a live taping of "Judge Judy!"
So it's not exactly Disney World, but the 49ers coach did get to sit courtside (see what I did there?) to watch the legendary TV judge in action. Harbaugh professed his fandom for the show during the combine in February, when he compared the potential draftee interview process to appearing in Judy's courtroom. He told reporters at the time, "I'm a big fan of the 'Judge Judy' show. And when you lie in Judge Judy's courtroom, it's over, your credibility is completely lost, you stand no chance of winning that case. So I learned that from her."
The producers over at the show must have heard about the interview because Harbaugh and his father were invited to attend and were spotted in the audience when it aired this week. Sadly, they were not involved in any of the cases. But I'll still rule their appearance as innocent.
Who knew professional football coaches had so much time to watch daytime television? Granted, I bet John Harbaugh, the Super Bowl-winning brother, doesn't partake in such viewing. (Drops the gavel.)
The greatest thing to happen to the nightly news since Walter Cronkite
As a reward for making it through this week, here's a genius clip from the gang (or an overworked intern) at "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" in which NBC News anchor Brian Williams performs "Nuthin' But a G Thang." You're welcome.