A week of baby missteps
In case you were too busy gorging on fun-size candy or hiding from the New Orleans Pelicans mascot, here's the best of the email and Twitter fodder you missed from the sports world and beyond.
Unable to get Lauren Conrad or Hugh Hefner to comment on this story
Because NFL wives are just like your friends on Facebook, everyone is currently pregnant and posting pictures on social media! It's not annoying or anything. This week both Kristin Cavallari and Kendra Wilkinson pre-emptively announced their impending weight gains were not a result of too much Halloween candy but rather because they were, in fact, expecting tiny humans.
America's favorite evil-glaring couple, Cavallari and Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, told the world about their upcoming bundle of joy with a tweet and Instagram post on Wednesday. Only 16 short years until this child will be the star of a reality show based on a high school with breathtaking views and pop-music-filled montages!
As for Wilkinson, after days of rumors -- likely started by Wilkinson and friends in hopes of drumming up some publicity for her reality show -- she confirmed the news that she and retired wide receiver Hank Baskett were expecting their second child in a tweet sponsored by Clearblue. Read that last part again. Kendra was paid to post a picture of a stick that she peed on to announce that she was bringing a child into the world. Guess reality shows on WE aren't paying what they used to. On the plus side (get it?), this really makes me appreciate that my Facebook friends don't pee on a stick for money.
In related news, Kerry Washington is reportedly expecting her first child with husband and 49ers cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha. But because she, you know, actually has a job, she hasn't had time to make a public announcement and is just quietly letting close sources spread the good word. Olivia Pope -- and people who appreciate things like dignity -- must be proud.
Dog goes woof, cat goes meow …
According to the occasionally reliable source known as my eyes, one of the most popular Halloween costumes this year was the fox character from the viral smash "What Does the Fox Say?" If you have been living in a cave somewhere for the past three weeks and have no idea what I'm talking about, do yourself a favor and just skip ahead to the next section. You're better off not knowing.
The zany Dallas Mavericks decided to put their own spin on the instant classic in their aptly named rendition, "What Do the Mavs Say?" While it's entertaining and slightly confusing, I have to think some Mavericks fans will be disappointed the answer is "Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow" and not "We're going to win the NBA title in 2014."
Practice makes perfect
While just about everyone in Boston was out celebrating or breaking windshields after the Red Sox won the World Series on Wednesday night, pitcher Ryan Dempster was … pitching batting practice to his friends. At 3 a.m. If that's not dedication to the sport, I don't know what is. USA Today's Bob Nightengale reported that security asked Dempster and his crew to leave Fenway, but they were all like, "Whatever, dudes, Ry-guy just won the World Series." Or something like that.
For reasons unknown, Mike O'Malley -- who will always be known as the host of "Guts" in my heart -- was there too. I'm sure the two hung out for hours comparing winning a World Series to winning the Aggro Crag.
Didn't anyone tell you? You're supposed to wear a costume.
Apparently Sloane Stephens had her "Mean Girls" Halloween moment at a young age, as she showed her followers on Thursday. While all of her young friends were dressed as princesses and ballerinas, Stephens went as a depressingly sad clown. To quote Karen Smith, "Why are you dressed so scary?"
The NBA's resident mental-health advocate, Metta World Peace, made his debut with the New York Knicks on Wednesday. The Queens native decided to mark the occasion in the most New York way ever -- he took the subway to Madison Square Garden. Newsday reporter Jim Baumbach accompanied him on the F train from Queensbridge station and documented it on Twitter because, duh.
How did those rose-scented subway seats affect World Peace's game? The forward had four points and four rebounds in 18 minutes off the bench in a win over the Milwaukee Bucks.
Surprise! Here's a genuinely nice story
In a story that will surely make some dust from the corner of the room find its way to your eye, Sacred Heart High School (Waterbury, Conn.) cross country runner Maryn Vaillancourt was close to the end of a 5K race in a state class meet on Saturday, when she tripped and sprained her ankle. Seconds later, Kayla Samuel -- a runner from Amistad High School (New Haven) -- caught up and helped her up, then linked arms with her and slowly ran with her to the finish line. Samuel not only sacrificed her time to guide Vaillancourt, but she even allowed her to cross the finish line first. Vaillancourt and her mom went to Amistad High on Wednesday to publicly thank Samuel for her selfless act.
I can't help but hope these two become best friends and go on to do all sorts of amazingly nice things for everyone.
If you're going to watch just one more Halloween video …
Is there anything better than Halloween pranks and British accents? Eh, probably. But this video of Tottenham Hotspur defender Kyle Walker scaring the BLEEP out of his teammates is a delightful treat to go with your afternoon tea.