Today FIFA president Sepp Blatter put his knee in his mouth while discussing the International Olympic Committee. I would say he put his foot in his mouth, but that thing's already been in there for years. Certainly since 2004, when Blatter suggested that female soccer players should "wear tighter shorts and low cut shirts" to bring in a larger male fan base and "create a more female aesthetic." And there's no doubt he was up to his shin when he made a gay joke instead of responding honestly and appropriately to questions about the treatment of homosexuals in Qatar, the host country for the 2022 World Cup. Well I think today Blatter finally made it up to his knee.
While trying to defend FIFA against allegations of corrupt spending and kickbacks, he said that his organization reports and openly documents spending, while "The IOC does it like a housewife. She receives some money and she spends some money."
There seems to be a pattern here for the aptly-named Blatter, who can't seem to control himself when under pressure. When questioned about holding the World Cup in a country where homosexuality is illegal, he tried to avoid the issue by cracking jokes. Today, in an effort to deflect accusations against FIFA, he tried to implicate the IOC instead, while dragging women down with them. Newsflash, Blatter, the world isn't one big episode of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Today's woman isn't sitting on the couch eating bonbons waiting for her hubby to bring home wheelbarrows full of cash, nor are we incarnations of the early "Teen Talk Barbie" who famously uttered the phrase "Math class is tough."
The man behind what's arguably one of the most corrupt organizations in sport (raise your hands if you agree, Ireland), has been on the wrong side of women's issues for years. Back in the 1970s he was named the president of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders. No, he wasn't advocating for more men to follow the sartorial standard set by Larry King or Mork (of Mork and Mindy fame), rather Blatter was in charge of a group of 120 men from 16 different countries who all agreed that women should not be allowed to replace "suspender belts" with pantyhose. Yes, he was so enamored with garter belts, the likes of which are rarely seen outside an Agent Provocateur store these days, that he actually headed up a committee trying to ban stockings.
Well, Mr. Blatter, ladies today, we've got L'eggs, and we know how to use them -- to march down to the FIFA office and show you just what a "housewife" is capable of. Sure seems like the IOC's investigation into your organization's finances might prove damning and maybe one of us can help show you how to balance the books a little better. While we're at it, we'll give you a little media training so you can finally, once and for all, get that foot outta your mouth. 'Cause even though I'm sure you still believe in the antiquated old saying "Women should be seen and not heard," I think you've proven time and time again that if anyone ought to keep his or her fat trap shut, it's you.