Hey, kids. Do you want to grow up to be a Hall of Famer? Well, before you go wasting your time fielding a million grounders, hitting balls until your hands bleed or perfecting five different pitches, here's my advice:

Take up gymnastics.

See, the way I figure it, you'll need a crowd-pleasing entrance to announce yourself, the way Ozzie Smith used to do with his backflip. Cartwheels might work. Maybe a break-dancing move. How about a moonwalk into a backflip with a split finish?

The Wizard was just elected to the Hall of Fame with 91.7% of the vote. Don't get me wrong, he set the standard for fielding shortstops and fully deserves a plaque in Cooperstown.

What bothered me was that waaaay down the voting list, with just 15.7% of the vote, was Alan Trammell. All Trammell did was play one more year than Ozzie (20-19), hit 23 points higher over his career (.285-.262), homer 157 more times, and drive in 210 more runs.

In 1987, the best offensive season for both, Smith had a .303 BA, a .394 OBP and a .383 SLG, while Trammell hit .343, with a .406 OBP and a .551 SLG.

Ozzie may have been the better fielder, but the difference wasn't that great, certainly not as great as the offensive disparity. Unfortunately, Trammell's big entrance was to nod hello to his longtime double play partner, Lou Whitaker.

So even if you put up Hall of Fame numbers like Trammell or Gary Carter or Jim Rice or Bert Blyleven or Jack Morris did, you still need a high Q rating to get in. Don't be ornery like Rice or Morris -- that'll hurt your chances. Don't be ingratiating like Carter or Steve Garvey -- that'll hurt your chances.

Oh, and a backflip will help.

I am now of an age when I can say I saw Hall of Famers play. I know how good Ozzie was in the field. I also think Garry Templeton, the shortstop he was traded to St. Louis for, had more range (before he hurt his knees) than Ozzie, and that Cal Ripken had even surer hands than Ozzie. And if I had to pick one shortstop, just one, for that era, it would be Trammell.

I'm not blaming anyone, least of all the writers who do their homework and take the voting seriously. It's just that somewhere along the line, a mob mentality clouds everybody's judgment.

From 1974 to 1980, Garvey had six 200-hit seasons; he set the National League record for consecutive games played; he carried the Padres into the 1984 World Series; he led NL first basemen in fielding five times; he never once turned down an interview request.

Yeah, yeah, he became something of a national joke. But after a lifetime of watching baseball, after learning enough about the game to know that you can't be sure of anything, I am sure of this:

Steve Garvey is a Hall of Famer. And he got just 28.4% of the vote.

Being a great player just isn't enough to get you to Cooperstown.

So work on your bat twirling, kids.

Steve Wulf is executive editor of ESPN The Magazine.